What Should I do

Yo, Aoi desu..




this time I just wanna shared and released my anger with this...







I really tired with my daily life with my family, friends and others. My stress getting worse which sometime I almost fainted cause too stress and mad...




Yap~ I have my own reasons and I can't tell it all... Its too long~ What I can shared...
I really tired for acting as 'a good girl' in my family and friends... I just wanna be my self... ( I realize it since I still in Elementary school until Senior High School )
I change my personality which I wanna show more 'my own' ( i just wanna be my self ) when I start my Univ's Life... but... I got something more 'worse' than before.. I more look like 'a scum' for 'their' worlds ( mention for my family & friends ).. Even they didn't told that, I can feel from their sight...




I'm really useless.. bothering... annoying... scum.. evil...





and there still more... I can't write or told...

*sigh

I realize my personality more 'worse' since this year, which I really 'sick' with all my family and friends.. which they start to 'force' me with something I didn't like even blame me for some thing i didn't do... I tried to stay calm, but they more show their selfishness and at the end, and some how.. I wanna 'kill' them with my hand... 

and I ever tried and did... with my little brother... 

thanks for my 'right mind' which I can still controlled my sight and hand, so I just punched him as hard as I have...




and today again..




I started to 'fight' with my 'otousama'.


I know.. the problems so simple... He asked me if he can borrow one or some of my bag for his trip.. I showed mine and asked him what he need ( cause I had so many kind of bag ). But when I finishing to getting out all my bag, suddenly he refused it all and even didn't look for a second for it~! He just said he already enough for his need...

and... Seriously i getting mad and angry...

maybe this problems really so 'childish' in your mind and point of view... but what will you do / feel..

if some one ask or request you for something and when you already get it, suddenly they cancel it with out 'clear reasons'. ??




My emotion really sensitive since last 2 month which I really sick with all around me and somehow I wanna kill my self.. That's really a crazy thing to do, right?




So, I choose to 'protect' myself with using some harsh words with all around me... when I talk or do something... even I mean to help them...


I know.. this's my decision... and just getting more worse opinion... but.. can I said something for the last if I can...?




What is it Love mean? What's Family's love? What's Friendship? Why everyone like to 'blame' everything to me even I didn't do anything to them? If I really useless, why you guys still need my help?



why....?